Ravings of a Lunatic Librarian

Large Print Hobo Glyphs

2011-05-25T12:14:00.000-05:00

There is a certain subset of library patron that apparently cannot remember which books they read, compelling them instead to make a mark inside the front cover of the book to identify where they have been. Like a brand, or one of the hobo glyphs that showed up on gateposts and in boxcars around the country during the Depression. Most of these books are in the large print collection, meaning they are mostly checked out by patrons of a certain age.

A lot of these symbols are a person's initials, but some people get downright artistic. I've seen pine trees, circles, triangles, things that look like cattle brands... Some even have a small stamp for this purpose.

The thing is, we have a floating collection, meaning books that are requested by our patrons come from other libraries and, once returned, stay on our shelves until they are requested by a patron from another branch. So if Joe Schmoe from the other side of the county checks out a book from his local branch, puts his mark in it, then Jane Doe requests it be brought to our branch, then the copy of the title Joe Schmoe read and marked is now halfway across the county. Perhaps, then, while Jane Doe is reading that copy, someone else from Joe Schmoe's library requests another copy from another branch, then it is returned there. There is now a copy of a book Joe Schmoe has read, but not the copy he has marked, meaning he might check out something he's already read. Quelle horreur!

Long story short, the library version of the hobo glyph is pointless. Better to invest in a little notebook and write down what you read.

PhD in Douchebaggery

2011-04-30T17:07:00.000-05:00

We get all kinds of people in the library. Young, old, poor, rich, black, white, yellow, orange, green. S-M-R-T and not so S-M-R-T. Occasionally we get a real superstar, though. Take Mr. PhD in Geophysics.

Mr. PhD in Geophysics comes in the other day with his son. Son goes off into the Children's Room to browse while Mr. PhD in Geophysics fills out an application for a library card. Upon presenting his application at the circulation desk, Mr. PhD in Geophysics is informed that, since he lives in a neighboring county, he needs to first procure a library card from that county and then we can add him to our system. Mr. PhD in Geophysics then states that he and his family will be moving to our county soon and he doesn't want to get a library card for the county in which he currently lives. The staff member at the circulation desk then offers him the nonresident card, which costs $25. He proceeds to puff up like a great indignant balloon and is sent to the Information Desk to speak to a supervisor.

My colleague, who is also a Librarian and is also at the Information Desk with me, fields him first. She reiterates what the circulation staff member has already told him. He says he has a PhD in Geophysics, and this is the only library he has ever been to where he could only get a card if he paid. She explained that he can get borrowing privileges for our library for free, but that first he would have to get a card for his home county.

He continues to bluster that he has a PHD!!! In GEOPHYSICS!!! And he has library cards from all over the country!!! Like Boston!!! And I stepped in at this point and said that that is all fine, well and good, but he was not going to be checking out a book from our library until he brought in a card from the neighboring county, coughed up $25, or moved to our county. At which point he is still arguing that he has a PHD IN GEOPHYSICS and that NO WONDER EVERYONE IN THIS STATE IS ILLITERATE. I gave him the number of our administrative office and he collected his son, saying the "Book Nazis" weren't going to let them check anything out, and huffed out.

PhD. And the D stands for Douchebag.

JFGI, People!

2011-02-26T14:20:00.000-05:00

I staff a virtual librarian desk, which means that the people who are asking me questions are people on a computer with Internet access. The vast majority of the not-library-specific questions I get are questions that are quickly and easily answered with a trip to your best friend and mine, The Google.

I wonder every time I am logged on to virtual reference why these people, who are skilled enough to find a link to or navigate to our virtual reference chat site, are not s-m-r-t enough to GO TO THE GOOGLE and search for the answer there first.

Really want to send them to this site. Really. All the time.

Book Donations, A Caveat

2011-02-19T11:55:00.000-05:00

Patron: "My wife and I are cleaning out our house and downsizing and I have a lot of books to donate."

Me: "Great!"

Patron: "I have one requirement: the books must be added to the collection."

Me: "Well, unfortunately I can't guarantee that items donated to the library will be added to the collection. We will certainly consider any that are appropriate and will sell the others in the Friends' book sale."

Patron: "Well, these are rare books and some of them are quite valuable. I have had dealers interested in buying them, but I wanted them to benefit the library."

Me: "Well, we'll be happy to take them but again, we can't guarantee what will happen to them after you donate them."

Patron: "Okay, that's fine. I'll donate them. But you should check online to make sure you ask a fair price for them."

Me: "Okay."

Patron hands me a box full of Readers Digest and Time-Life subscription series books from the 1980s.

Me: "Thanks!" [Interior monologue: Yeah, real rare and valuable.]

Technophobes Unite! And Drive Me Crazy. Part 2 - The eBook Edition

2011-01-01T10:13:00.000-05:00

It seems like everyone in the entire world (except me. Um, hello, husband?) got an ebook reader for Christmas. And none of them know how to use it. So they call their friendly local library to get instructions on using their new toys and downloading free books from the library. I do not have an ebook reader (see sentence 1, above), but I can walk them through downloading from our ebook provider online. Why is this? Why do I know how to operate a piece of technology that I've never owned or played with for any substantial length of time and these people can't figure it out?

It's because I'm a Jeeeenyuuuuuus! Just kidding. It's because I have futzed around with enough gadgets to know the basic lay of the land and because I am NOT SCARED. The Nook is not going to suck out your soul if you don't push the right thing. (Or WILL it?) It just confounds me, how these people are so afraid to play! Or afraid to read directions, apparently, since our catalog of digital downloads has an extensive help and troubleshooting section, as well as a very handy "Getting Started" presentation, not to mention I'm pretty sure that the manufacturers make user's manuals, if not in print then online. Come on people! Read and experiment a little!

Also, my birthday is coming up at the end of January. I would like a Nook Color, please. Thanks!

Technophobes Unite! And Drive Me Crazy.

2011-01-01T09:37:00.003-05:00

So not only do I man the reference desk, but I also teach computer classes. It boggles my mind how many people still don't know how to use a computer. I have taught many MANY people how to turn the computer on, how to use the mouse, what all those weird buttons are on the keyboard. Satisfying? Yes, of course. It's always nice to empower someone to use or do something new. Frustrating? You betcha.

The main thing that frustrates me is the fear that most of these people have of the computer. I am in my mid-thirties, so I learned computers as they were coming up through the MS-DOS phase, through the introduction to the mouse and now with the touchscreen tablet computers and smartphones. I never took a class, I've just learned new technologies as they have emerged. And yes, a lot of this has to do with my age and the fact that computers have been around for all of my adult life. But my parents both are computer-comfortable, if not completely savvy, and they roll with the punches as new things come out. My dad has a Droid and a Macbook, for crying out loud!

Some people are just afraid of technology. They are afraid of breaking something. A lot of my computer students feel more comfortable when I assure them at the beginning of class that a computer is just an appliance and that they can't break it unless they really really try. I am only frustrated when they stop dead in their digital tracks, frozen like a deer in the headlights because they can't figure out how to get out of a screen or return to the previous page. Try something, damn it! Look at the screen and see what looks like it might get you where you want to go! That big "back" arrow, when clicked, may just take you back to the previous page! And the big red "X" in the corner? May close that screen altogether! PLAY, people! Click around, that's really how you're going to learn and be comfortable.

Cleanliness, Fresh Smells & Money

2010-04-28T17:56:00.003-05:00

Since I started working at my new branch almost a year ago, I've noticed that most of the patrons at this branch are clean and relatively pleasant. I've also noticed that most of the patrons are willing, nay eager, to pay their overdue fines IMMEDIATELY RIGHT NOW THIS VERY MINUTE never mind that this computer doesn't have a cash register attached and there is a line 10 deep behind them.

Interestingly enough, with the new upper class clientele, I have also noticed that those who carry the most status symbols (Prada bag, Coach accessories, etc.) will give the most grief over 25 cents that I have ever seen. Lady, that quarter won't even pay for the buckle on your Cole Haan sandals.

Anthropology experiment. I has it.

Foundation Beyond Belief

2010-01-01T17:48:00.003-05:00

The Foundation Beyond Belief is a nonprofit organization that plans to benefit charitable organizations as well as provide a comprehensive educational and support system for nontheistic parents. Check out their website or view the video below (or both!) for more information.

Identifying Patrons by Smell

2009-05-09T07:35:00.003-05:00

So the weather is hot and sunny and verging on miserable. The patrons are hot and sweaty and smell miserable. I realized the other day that I can identify some patrons by smell. This is gross.

Patron #1 - "The Rock" is a very large woman with a very particular smell. Go into the public restroom after her at your own risk. Breathe shallowly through your mouth.

Patron #2 - A nice guy who has no body odor per se, but his breath will knock you right down. He of course often needs help with the computer.

Patron #3 - The Dirty Pirate is homeless (we think) and has the homeless-in-Florida funk. You can smell him from 30 feet away. I am constantly amazed that people will use the computer right next to him and never complain.

Patron #4 - The Dirty Pirate's sidekick. Almost as bad as the Dirty Pirate, but not quite as pungent.

Patron #5 - The tea rose perfume lady. Her perfume lingers long after she has left the building.

This makes me want to hand out Lever 2000 wipes at the front door, Febreze all of the upholstered chairs daily, and shower often. Why is it that the stinkiest ones gravitate to the upholstered chairs and not the plastic ones that don't retain body odor? Inquiring minds want to know.

Just Another Service I Apparently Offer

2008-12-20T12:10:00.002-05:00

People are obviously sending out their holiday cards. I have had three phone calls for addresses and one wanting to know if she's sending a card to her friend who has a dance instructor live-in boyfriend who's half her age, if she has to address the card to both of them or just her friend.

I'm surprised that Telephone Information is still in business. Because no one around here is calling them anymore.

I also just had a woman commandeer my computer to pick out some wines to send to her son. I offered to set her up on one of our public access computers which she declined because "[her] husband doesn't have the patience for [her] doing this kind of stuff." Apparently it's okay if she does it at the reference desk, though.

Sigh. The holidays.

Parents Without a Clue

2008-09-19T13:33:00.002-05:00

I wonder when, if ever, it's appropriate to go up to either of the parents on laptops in the corner, who have been at the library for 4 hours, and tell them that perhaps their 2 preschool children may be interested in having lunch at some point today.

These are the same parents who were shoulder-deep in their laptops while their 2 kids wandered about aimlessly and systematically removed half the picture books from the bins, leaving them scattered about for library staff to clean up later.

Makes. Me. Angry.

And Another Thing.

2008-09-18T13:05:00.003-05:00

So, for all of my thousands (okay, tens) of readers who want to know how I did at the Jeopardy! audition, the answer is -

I think I did okay.

It was fun, and I was less nervous than expected. I answered most of the written test questions correctly and when I was called on in the mock game I answered all the questions correctly. Now the waiting game begins. I am in a contestant pool for the next 18 months, meaning they could call right out of the blue sometime in November of 2009 and ask me to go out to California for a taping. Who knows.

So I guess No Gnews is Good Gnews with Gary Gnu.

Um... You're Welcome?

2008-08-14T14:10:00.002-05:00

Below is the transcript of the note written on the inside of a regular sized greeting card that we received from a regular phone reference caller.

To the Reference and all other wonderful staff at the Library,

Please accept my most sincere thanks for your unfailing kindness and patience with me.

I deeply regret that – by default or design – I have been unable to visit the library, now, these five years past.

I know I must prove tedious to the reference staff – in particular – with my frequent telephone calls and requests for information, however obscure. Please know, that it is born of a compelling need to keep sharp my mind, ever as the very body be steeped in corruption.

It has been my pleasure to come to know so many of you by name, and by temperament, which has been invariably amiable and tolerant. I have found your keen wit, sharp intellect, and immensely pleasurable discourse to be both engaging, and edifying. I know that you have allowed me to give vent to whatever transient interest I might have. To offer – then – as an apology, I once possessed an IQ and a mind that thrived upon knowledge.

All, now, is as smoke and mirrors.

I no longer watch television, as I find it to be both jejune and/or frightening, especially now, in a world I scarcely recognize.

I have the leisure – if not the inclination – to spend hours lost in thought, or, at work upon my writings; it has proven to be a tonic for loneliness and for days of intractable pain, an acceptable anodyne.

Please know that my requests, however silly, obscure, or banal, are – at some elusive base – bound by a discrete, yet common thread, fully as delicate as any web spun by Arachne.

And whilst I may have nothing else left, I have – of candor – a full measure.

I cannot auger the future, nor have I Cassandra’s gift of prophecy, I only know that once, I looked full upon the face of the Gorgon… yet lived. And did I emerge from that refiner’s fire ennobled, better, or with a burnished brightness that hurt the eyes? Time is forever the enemy. Having been chastened, was I purified as well?

But to you, dear, dear people, I can only say, ‘Bravo, Brava, Kudos, and deep thanks’, weaving for you – were I able – a fragrant garland of laurel wreaths for your hair.

Cult of Personality

2008-08-11T13:02:00.001-05:00

So, more than memorizing the names of American Vice Presidents, I really need to brush up on the small talk. After all, Jeopardy! already knows I am S-M-R-T, now I have to show them that I actually have a personality! (Gasp!)

Jeopardy! Audition

2008-08-04T18:24:00.002-05:00

Holy buzzer, Batman! I may be on Jeopardy! after all. I am taking home 9,000 pounds of books with me to cram, just in case.

It's the Least I Can Do

2008-08-04T18:19:00.003-05:00

Once upon a time, long ago in high school, I in a fit of adolescent enthusiasm accidentally whacked my friend Phil Ayres in the face with my hand (wild gesturing - I was very theatrical in high school). So he asked me for a favor, and I'm happy to oblige.
Phil Ayres Phil Ayres Phil Ayres.

Coolest Librarian Job EVAR

2008-04-28T13:34:00.000-05:00

Okay, so any librarian position that has this as a disclaimer is AWESOME.

Important Notice: Friends, family, individuals, or organizations may be interested to learn that you are an applicant for or an employee of the CIA. Their interest, however, may not be benign or in your best interest. You cannot control whom they would tell. We therefore ask you to exercise discretion and good judgment in disclosing your interest in a position with the Agency. You will receive further guidance on this topic as you proceed through your CIA employment processing.

Librarian — Central Intelligence Agency

Card Catalog - A Real One!

2008-04-05T13:27:00.003-05:00

So a couple of weeks ago I was up at the state capital for some meetings, one of which was at the State Library. After I met with all of the people (very nice, too, incidentally) that I was supposed to, I was taken to the library itself to look around.

First observation: their computer patrons are the same as ours. Aroma and everything.

Second observation: it's a lot smaller than I expected it to be.

Third observation: they have an HONEST-TO-GOD STILL FUNCTIONAL CARD CATALOG. Most of the collection is computer catalogued, but they still have some maps that aren't, so they kept a small card catalog for those items!

I will confess to getting entirely too excited about seeing a card catalog. I wanted to hug it, but settled (for the sake of professionalism) for caressing it fondly.

God, I'm such a nerd.

REM Dreaming

2008-04-04T10:47:00.004-05:00

So last night I had a dream that I (my dream character) was in college and Michael Stipe of REM managed to sneak onto campus incognito (this was back when I was actually in college, which means Michael Stipe still had hair) and he became my boyfriend. He disguised himself and went down into the courtyard outside my dorm to play guitar. People figured out who he was (duh) and we ended up having to live on a really big boat.

Peculiar dream. And ironic, that I have a dream about a member of REM while in REM.

My Library Has Fleas

2008-03-28T13:22:00.002-05:00

Well, I'm once again the Nomadic Librarian, since my permanent library home is currently being renovated. So I'm camped out at one of our other branches for the interim.

The other day, my coworker found a flea on her person. She does have a cat, but the cat does not have fleas. Later that day, I found a flea on my person. I do have 2 cats, but my cats don't have fleas. Which means the library has fleas.

This is not an unknown phenomenon to me. At another branch where I worked temporarily, we had a special needs group come in a couple of times a week. One of the people had a service dog, which was not very well taken care of and, yes, often had signs and symptoms of flea infestation. We had many work orders for pest control at that branch.

This library, however, has no regular service animal visitors. Which can really only mean one thing: one (or more) of the patrons has fleas. Nice.

An observation: every library that I have been permanently assigned to has undergone some form of renovation that has chased me out for a lengthy period of time (a month this time, a year last time). And my temporary locations have both had fleas. Interesting.

Smaller and Colder

2007-11-29T15:26:00.000-05:00

This week I finally managed to visit the Inglewood branch of the Nashville Public Library system, which is the library I went to every day during my childhood summers. Kevin, the guy who I remember from so long ago, is still working there (he's been there 31 years!) and I (re)introduced myself to him and told him that I am now a public librarian.

The building itself seemed smaller, as does just about every place you remember from childhood, with aging floors and columns. All available floor space was taken up by computers (of course), meaning the lounge chairs I remember being next to the fireplace are long gone. The fireplace is still there, although not lit. It was a cold and damp day outside and it was cold and damp in the library, as well.

I was happy I got to go in and visit my old friend, but it was depressing at the same time.

Crazy

2007-10-31T19:36:00.000-05:00

I think that there is at least one certifiably crazy regular patron at every public library. We have lots! There's the dumpy guy with the 4 or more hot/cold bags that he carries with him every day (my boss opines that's where he keeps the heads). Then there's the guy who comes in every Saturday morning who asks for the weekly preview for the Young and the Restless, and whose wristwatch's alarm goes off at 10 a.m. He doesn't shut it off.

And we have our fair share of bipolars, schizophrenics, etc. who call and come in and make life interesting.

One of our regulars, whom we have dubbed "Fuzzy Top", hasn't been to the library in over a week. We realized this today. Until now, she came in at least once a day to use the computers (and to ask if anyone had delivered a $1,000 check for her to the library or if anyone had turned in a wallet. She also liked to trade her guest pass for another one, because "they are tracking this one" or "I can't have any with 3's on it" or "this one has a folded corner").

I hope she's okay. Actually, I kind of hope she has been admitted for psychiatric treatment, because it seemed like she was going downhill last time I saw her...

UPDATE: She's back. Apparently she took off nekkid down the road and got put in the hospital for a few days.

Freakin' Metadata

2007-07-26T20:39:00.000-05:00

My pet peeve library/info science term-of-art:

METADATA

I have some sort of weird internal block about it. Every time I hear it I feel slightly nauseous. I am also incapable of remembering what it really means.

Blech Blech Blech.

AYCE Buffet Patrons

2007-06-14T19:00:00.000-05:00

Yesterday a cow-orker and I went to a local Chinese buffet for lunch (a really good one, BTW, that has the usual buffet stuff and some unusual things like sesame crusted bean paste dumplings and lychee fruit - it's the Royal Chinese Buffet in Embassy Commons next to the Books-A-Million across from Gulfview Square Mall, if you're in the area).

Anyhoo, in addition to the usual people one sees at an all-you-can-eat joint (the normal ones, the really very obese ones, the old ones), there was a couple at a table across the aisle from ours who... get ready for this... didn't have any teeth.

Okay, maybe one or two teeth, but they were gumming their food and their jaws and mouths... well, it looked like a documentary of Deepest Appalachia.

Not to toot my own horn...

2007-05-17T21:44:00.000-05:00

But BEEP-BEEP, baby! I got a (cue Johnny whatshisface from the Price is Right) nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu jooooooooooooooooooooob!

I'm an egovernment librarian. Whatever that is. I get to CREATE a position. How freakin' cool am I?

So Ashamed

2007-05-17T21:42:00.000-05:00

Granted, when the Academy of Country Music Awards were held in Nashvegas I was always a little put-out but proud of the sheer hick factor of the stars there, but it has gotten EVEN WORSE since moving to Las Vegas.

MSN Music - 2007 Academy of Country Music Awards

Required Classes Taught By Trained Apes

2007-02-13T20:05:00.000-05:00

So as a county employee I am required to appear for certain training classes. These classes range from the useful (CPR/First Aid) to those best termed as a questionable use of time (Customer Service in the Public Sector, Cultural Diversity), to those I consider "it seemed like a good idea at the time but was horribly staffed and thus is a gargantuan waste of 4 hours."

Which brings me to the defensive driving class I had today.

The instructor apparently spent over 20 years as a police officer in Indiana before moving to Florida and working for the county here. So he's talking about accidents he has investigated and he kept talking about the Coalition of Friction. At least 20 times in 2 minutes he said "the coalition" or "coalition of friction". I don't know if he really thought he was using the correct term or if he was seeing if anyone would correct him.

Meanwhile I am beaming lasers from my eyes into his forehead, willing him to say coefficient.

coefficient
coefficient
[furrowing brow]
COEFFICIENT!!!!

One-Holer

2007-01-17T21:30:00.000-05:00

I will be so glad to get into the new building. Not because I will once again have my own desk in a relatively private office, and not because I will finally get to stop answering the question "So, when's the building going to be done?", but because of one MAJOR thing:

I will no longer be sharing a restroom with the patrons.

I did not realize the depths of male disgustingness (is this a word? well, it is now.) until I had to share a toilet with all of them. My sainted husband is a model of cleanliness and sanitary bathroom usage compared to (apparently) most other men. Not only are they incapable of putting the toilet seat down, but they are also incapable of aiming. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought that was a matter of some pride amongst the male species, what with all the Cheerio-sinking during potty training time and later writing of one's name in snowbanks.

Perhaps that's the problem. . . no snowbanks in Florida.

Nomad Librarian

2007-01-06T21:21:00.000-05:00

Well, as of today I am once again the nomad librarian. (I wish that sounded better, like the "Roaming Gnome". I'd like to be the Roaming Gnome, if only I would not have to, in fact, be a gnome.) I took leave of my "temporary" branch, where I've been for over a year now, and am returning to my home branch, which right now is a temporary storefront across the street from the actual library.

So the bottom line is all of my files and stuff are crammed into bags in my office (a/k/a the backseat of my car).

The good news is the actual library building should be move-in-able by next month. Huzzah!

This! Is! Jeopardy!

2007-01-05T21:11:00.000-05:00

I registered to take the online Jeopardy! test! WooooooHooooooo!

On January 23rd I will turn that mother OUT! Of course, assuming I pass the online test there's only a small chance that I will be contacted for a full audition, which consists of another 50-question test, followed by a practice game using podiums and buzzers, then a "personality interview".

That is all. Carry on.

Hermitudinous*

2007-01-04T16:53:00.000-05:00

*not a real word.

I've always had hermit tendencies. It seems to be getting worse as I get older. Today was my day off and I've not left the house except to take the baby to the sitters' house, then I came back home and climbed back into bed with my book.

I had intended to shop for new shoes and a new car seat today. Didn't happen. Part of this is that it's too humid out (yes, it's January in Florida - too cool for a bikini most days, but shorts and a t-shirt is fine).

So I have decided to embrace my chosen solitude by learning even more obscure facts, in preparation for my eventual Jeopardy! championship. Oh, it'll happen. First on my list: history. World first, then American.

Library Envy

2007-01-01T19:54:00.000-05:00

So I just got back from Christmas in Nashville a couple of days ago. While I was there I convinced my mom to take me to the new main library downtown. I had seen bits of it on their website but wanted to take a look for myself.

Oh. my. God.

It's just too much! For our library's expansion, much debate was had over whether we wanted to have soda vending machines for the public to use. At Nashville Main, there is a boulangerie where you can get pastries, hot meals, soups, salads, fresh bread... now you can't take the stuff into the library part of the library, of course, but still. And there are all of these great big tables with reading lamps and data ports and electrical outlets at each seat so you can take your own laptop in and use it wherever.

AND they have self-service checkout stations EVERYWHERE, not just at the front desk. And they have self-service reserve shelves, so the patrons just walk up and pull theirs from the shelf. There is an info desk next to the hold shelves, so people who can't find their materials can ask for help and the staff person can keep an eye on people peeking at what other people have out (when I was looking at the hold shelves the guy at the desk was keeping an eye on me).

Nashville Main has always been known for its children's programming. There is an art/storytime room and a puppet theatre that I didn't get to look at but the marionette display outside of the puppet theatre is AWESOME.

And they have the Nashville Room, where the serious researchers go. It smells like a library in there, lots of very old books and the Banner archives. I could have spent all day in there.

My library system is very progressive for its size, but going to the new Main Library in Nashville reminds me of how small my system is.

An excellent hiring philosophy for libraries

2006-10-11T10:12:00.000-05:00

YouTube - Gorilla Librarian

A Librarian's Day Off

2006-09-28T17:42:00.000-05:00

So what does a librarian do on her day off?

She spends the afternoon at the bookstore, of course!

The funny part was when I came up the center aisle of the neighborhood Books-A-Million and who should be heading my way but my boss, also on her day off. I was doing some browsing for a book order I'm putting together for the library.

You can take the girl out of the library, but you can't take the library out of the girl.

I am not ashamed

2006-08-11T16:24:00.000-05:00

I went to see Talladega Nights at the theater today. By myself. Why? Partly because it's 100 degrees outside, partly because I'm tired of spending all my free time in the house, and partly because I had a gift certificate to Regal Cinemas that I got last Christmas and needed to use before it expired.

So, how was the movie? Better than I expected. I think I enjoyed it on a level that its target audience would not. There weren't very many people in the theater with me (2:30 on a weekday afternoon), but those who were there were a pretty good cross-section of the county demographics here: 90% working class conservative (I'm guessing from the reactions to the male-on-male kissing scenes) and me, the liberal NPR-listening, PETA-email-list-subscriber that I am.

I think my departure from the target audience made me appreciate more of the jokes I'm sure Will Ferrell and the rest of "liberal Hollywood" threw in there for themselves. I actually recognized the jazz song that was on the jukebox in the sports bar when the gay French Formula One racer made his entrance (Charlie Parker). Also a hoot - Jean Girard's lawn party, where he's hosting Mos Def and Elvis Costello (random and very quick cameos).

Sasha Baron Cohen is fabulous as Jean Girard.

So it was a good movie. Nothing I'd pay money to see, but I'm not sorry I saw it.

The clientele, it is a changin'

2006-07-20T19:18:00.000-05:00

I've been at this particular library for almost a year now and in that time I have had the opportunity to watch the patron base change almost completely. When I started, the branch was fairly quiet, with some (horrifyingly outdated) goth kids and a lot of seniors/snowbirds. Now we have a lot more young families, with little kids and a lot more diversity.

This is not necessarily a good thing. You see, a large part of the population here in this formerly-rural county is what you might call redneck. You know, the jacked-up full size American-made pickup truck with a NASCAR number and at least one Confederate flag decal on the back window and, more often than not, those charming metal testicles dangling from the trailer hitch (side note - a lot of times these monstrosities are color coordinated to match the paint job of the truck - which is fine except when your truck is blue. I thought I was going to drive off the road, I was laughing so hard). And now a growing part of our population, at least here in the southern part of the county, is African American or Hispanic. There has been some tension, to say the least.

Defusing a potential "racial incident" involves a great deal of tact and not a little bit of mommy-sternness. I would just prefer not to deal with it, but I seem to be the Great Equalizer of the branch - I seem to get along with all kinds of patrons.

Which is great and all, but very stressful and I'll be glad to move on.

The Mommy Files

2006-05-26T17:45:00.000-05:00

Things I really appreciate now that I'm a mom:

Short story collections. I really don't have time for a big honkin' novel (although I did manage to read The Da Vinci Code in a week, but that's not really literature).
Public restrooms with well-maintained changing table stations that I'm not afraid to touch.
Bouncer seats.
MY mom.
Meals that only require one hand to eat.
Ceiling fans. No need to purchase pricy baby toys if you have a ceiling fan in the house!
Baby smiles.

Things I really appreciate about my child:

She's not the children I see in the library. Of course, she's only 2.5 months old, but she's still better behaved than most of the kids there.
She's a happy little pork chop.

My Favorite Ad Campaign

2006-03-08T16:32:00.000-05:00

These VW GTI spots crack me up. Every time.

"It's definitely sucking."

Misery loves company

2006-03-07T20:32:00.000-05:00

Alas, I have no company. I have been under voluntary house arrest for a few days now and I am bored, bored, bored. I am also huge and uncomfortable and dealing with contractions that aren't doing anything apparent to move this baby along. So pain and swelling and general misery ensues. As well as a desperate need for chocolate.

My body has some weird tendency to ALMOST have a lot of things wrong with it. Generally just enough weirdness to mandate many uncomfortable and/or time consuming tests which without fail turn out "normal". Here's the rundown so far:

Regular OB visit a month ago showed a lot of sugar in my pee cup. So they try to look up the results of the 1 hour fasting glucose test I had done at the end of December. The lab couldn't find the results, but eventually got them to my doctor's office. That test showed a high blood sugar, so in I go for the 3 hour test. (Which is NOT RECOMMENDED, by the way.) It comes back normal. So I don't in fact have gestational diabetes. While waiting for all these test results, the doctor reveals that I am measuring much bigger than my term and sends me for an EFW ultrasound. The u/s shows that kiddo is measuring at 40 weeks when I was (at the time) only 36 weeks along. Meaning big baby. BUT since the glucose test came back okay I guess my doctor is unconcerned about the fact that my baby is HUGE. Then again, he's not the one who will have to push this gargantuan child out.

So after all this BS, the doctor then becomes concerned about the swelling in my feet, ankles, and hands. My blood pressure is not measuring high according to the "official" range, but he decides to send me in for a non-stress test and an AFI/BPP ultrasound at the hospital. A very long 7 hours later, he says my blood pressure is still in the normal range and the baby's heartrate (which was kind of high) had settled down but the amniotic fluid was kind of low. So I had to collect my pee in a jug for 24 hours (hooray) and repeat the NST and the ultrasound 3 days later. Really long story short, blood pressure still fine, baby's heartrate fine, amniotic fluid still a little low but not troubling. Feet, ankles and hands still swollen like a sumbitch.

I'm going back to the doctor for my regular appt. on Friday and can't wait to see what he has in store for me next.

The Public is Annoying. Pt. 736 of 199847305

2006-02-10T12:53:00.000-05:00

I am 8 months pregnant, which means that yes, I am visibly pregnant and may in fact look like I am going to pop at any time. I am not, in fact, going to pop at any time. Yes, I have a big round belly and yes, I'm sure there's only one baby in there and no, I'm pretty sure there's not another one hiding behind my liver.

Okay, so here's a typical day for me now. Patron walks up, asks how far along I am. When I reply, there are generally two reactions. Reaction number one (usually from women): "Wow, congratulations!" Reaction number two: "Are you sure? Because it looks like you could go at any time."

Fine. I am an easy target, since they have to interact with me anyway and I am a government employee, so I pretty much have to be civil to them (although why OTHER government departments are apparently encouraged to be surly and unhelpful is beyond me and a subject for another day).

What really cheeses me off? The ones who continue to ask questions. "Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?" "Is this your first?" "Do you have a name picked out?" The last one is really the kicker. Because if I answer truthfully (yes, we do have a name picked out), then she (it's ALWAYS a woman who asks this question) then looks at me expectantly until I tell her the name!!! Hell, these people don't even know MY name, why are they so darned interested in the baby's name?!

I can't wait until this baby gets here, because then the patrons will forget I was ever pregnant and they can resume ignoring me outside of the time it takes for me to sign them up for a computer. Which is yet another subject for another day: why a master's degree is required to sign people up to use the Internet.

The Eternal Librarian

2006-01-14T21:29:00.000-05:00

Well, once again I missed my chance to say hello to the librarian at the Inglewood branch of the Nashville Public Library who was very patient with me when I was an almost-daily visitor to the library as a very small child. I want to see him to tell him that he helped instill the obsession with libraries that eventually led me to my current career. His name is Kevin. He's been there forever.

I know he was working today, because he still drives the same car he did when I was going there as a little kid, 20+ years ago (it's a vintage VW bug, beige). Why yes, I am in Nashville. My grandmother (who was the one who uncomplainingly took me to the library practically every day during summer vacations when I was little) died this week and her funeral was today. Yes, I am very sad about losing her. She was a major part of my life and I was looking forward to her meeting her namesake.

Holiday Season = Not Slow @ My Library

2005-12-20T13:22:00.000-05:00

I feel uncharitable toward those members of my staff who have called in sick for the past 2-3 days. Granted, they probably have the bird flu or scrofula or something really bad, but still. It's way too close to Christmas to be unexpectedly short-staffed.

Also this morning, on our way back from changing the sign message the custodian and I discovered that the blue tarp in the woods next to the library has been joined by another blue tarp and an honest-to-God tent. Super. So I called the community policing deputy assigned to the homeless-people-in-the-woods population and he said he would be out tomorrow to roust them out. They're unruly drunk homeless people, too, since they were yelling at our custodian for looking at them while he was picking up garbage in the parking lot. His opinion was that if they persist in throwing their beer cans over the fence into our parking lot, then he would be looking at them all he wanted to.

I'm currently reading Prep by Curtis Sittenfeld. It's pretty good, but no The Secret History by Donna Tartt.

American Cheese: Not Really Cheese

2005-11-30T17:48:00.000-05:00

This morning, on my lengthy (5 minute) commute to work, I got to thinking about American cheese. Thinking about how it's not really cheese at all. How very American, cheese in name only. America= processed cheese food. And what is "processed cheese food," anyway? Well, you can check out this article on the manufacture of processed cheese food.

And that brings me to the pressing question: What type of cheese am I? The answer, thankfully, is not American.

Cheese Test: What type of cheese are you?

Nashvegas

2005-11-26T19:46:00.000-05:00

So here I am in my hometown (Nashville, TN) for the last day of my Thanksgiving holiday and I just have to say, I love this town. I think my taller half likes it here, too. I know he likes the free! public! nice! concrete! skatepark.

It's always hard to leave home. :-( But I miss my kitties and my house and my stuff.

My cousin lives just outside of Hixson, TN (which is close to Chattanooga, for those of you who really need to know such things and were about to open another window to Mapquest "Hixson, TN." Yeah, I know who you are.), and she was telling me about the library ladies at the Hixson Public Library. Apparently they have some throwbacks working there and everytime my cousin goes in there with her little girl (who's 5), they all give her the Icy Glare and it's very very quiet in there all the time. I kind of wish we had the quiet at our libraries, although I would not want to be Dragon Lady Enforcer to do it.

Goggle-Eyed Disbelief

2005-11-22T13:42:00.000-05:00

"You mean the libraries are closed Thursday, Friday, AND Saturday???"

Well, since you put it that way, there's absolutely NO reason why we library staffers should enjoy a few days off to enjoy friends and family if you, dear patrons, desperately need a respite from your own 4-day weekend with family to play on the computers in the library. How stupid of us!

Restless Natives

2005-11-16T20:53:00.000-05:00

The natives appear to be getting restless.

I live in a not-exactly-well-off part of town. We have woods near my house (and adjacent to the library where I work) where homeless men keep camp. A couple of weeks ago, drunk useless homeless man A stabbed drunk useless homeless man B up the road from the library at the gas station and we had cops all over the library property and a helicopter flying overhead, very dramatic.

And 2 days ago I was on my way back from lunch and I passed a little side road with a corner house surrounded by police cars, crime scene tape, etc. A patron came in a couple of hours later and told me she lived on that street and that the guy who lived in that house had shot himself. Nice.

THEN, I read in the paper that over the weekend some teenage idiot at a local park beat a woman to the point of requiring hospitalization. Of course, what was a 29 year old woman doing at a park at 3 something in the morning when she has at least 2 kids... never mind, I'll never understand.

It's probably not a good thing when you hear sirens or a helicopter circling and you don't think much of it. It's not like I live in Compton, or Watts, or Bed-Stuy or similar. I blame Jeb Bush.

Back by Popular Demand

2005-11-16T20:48:00.000-05:00

Due to the overwhelming demand from my dedicated reader, I am updating this sumbitch.

My 2+ month absence may have something to do with the fact that I am now 22 weeks preggo. Kid's kicking and distracting me from, well, just about everything else.

So I promise I will *try* to update this more often.

Psalm 46: 1-3

2005-09-01T18:44:00.000-05:00

God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear,
Even though the earth be removed,
And though the mountains be
carried into the midst of the sea;
Though its waters roar and be troubled,
Though the mountains shake
with its swelling.

There are a million people in Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama who are homeless now. There are roughly 300,000 people still stuck in New Orleans, without food, water, or shelter. Without restrooms, air conditioning, medical attention. With raw sewage, mosquitoes, alligators, floating dead bodies. Fires raging underwater. It's awful to look at on the t.v. and on the computer, but can you imagine the smell?

Those people are desperate. Frantic for food, water, dry clothing, diapers and formula for the children, medical care for the elderly. Those who are left are, by and large, the poorest inhabitants of a poor city. Panic, fear and opportunity have made them bold and reckless, looting stores and businesses - for necessities, sure, but also for jewelry, electronics, beer. This evening I saw on the news a group of people being arrested for stealing a beer truck to haul all of their loot out of town.

I try to imagine it . . . living on an interstate overpass with nothing but the clothes on my back, no bedding, no food, no water, no toilet, no shelter from the sun. Dead people covered with sheets and blankets, starting to decompose in the heat and humidity. People screaming and crying and fighting and dying.

There are so many people and so many agencies who are willing and able, ready to help the refugees. But first we have to get the refugees out of New Orleans. And I know they are trying to convince people to leave the city and that is one reason they are not making more of an effort to get food (other than MRE's) and water into the city. But it seems that they could drop off water at the overpasses when they drop off more people. If you can get thousands of busses into downtown New Orleans, surely you could get a Salvation Army trailer in there.

Of course, if they tried that now, an armed gang would likely hijack the trailer and make off with all the food and water. There are no easy answers at this point.

Seagull Stalker

2005-07-26T20:56:00.000-05:00

I was reminded today of one of our most bizarre patrons, mainly because her husband came in looking for some more information of how to contact a certain Seagull. Of A Flock of Seagulls.

I am not making this up.

This woman came in a few months back with her husband. She's really tall, heavyset, and has a 5 o'clock shadow. Yep, she shaves. Her face. She comes to me and says her Favorite Band in the World is A Flock of Seagulls and her favorite in the band is Paul Reynolds. She wants more information on him in particular, so I get her on a computer and get her to his website.

She and/or her husband come in a couple more times in the interim, apparently when I'm not there.

Her husband came in alone today. He first wanted to know if we had a telephone book for Liverpool, England. When I told him no, he wanted me to see if I could find a telephone number for Frank Maudley (I think that's another Seagull) in Liverpool, England. I warned him that he more than likely has an unlisted telephone number, but I looked anyway.

Seems like they had managed to track down Ali Score (yet another Seagull) in North Carolina, and he told them to contact this Frank Maudley guy in Liverpool, as he had "more contact" with Reynolds and would be able to help them track down Reynolds.

This woman is scary. Her husband is pretty fed up with it. But really, how fed up can he be if he is coming in for information for her by himself? She is beyond obsessed. And I wonder, at what point do we say we can't help them anymore?

Glad I'm not famous, or that I haven't been famous in the past 20 years.

Salt of the Earth

2005-07-18T19:00:00.000-05:00

These are the people in my neighborhood (and my library's neighborhood)...
They're the people that I meet each day.

1. 300-pound lady in zebra print halter top (shudder) and shorts

2. Upper-middle-aged lady with gold lame' spaghetti strap tank top. With no bra.

3. Man wearing shorts with black socks (repeat x200).

4. Basic proto-industrial-goth kid. A surprising amount of them, actually, since that style ship sailed, oh, I dunno, about 5 years ago. Then again, we're not exactly on the cusp of fashion here.

Not that I'm a fashion plate, but I do take pains to look 1) well-groomed and 2) if not fashion-forward, at least not woefully outdated. I think a large majority of the people in this fine county may very well not own mirrors.

*sigh* I guess this means I'm a snob.

Holy mackerel, it's a library marathon!

2005-06-30T18:06:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow marks the 5th day in a row I'm working. That may sound pretty normal to y'all "banking hours" folks, but it's a bit of a rarity in my little corner of Drudgeryville.

Five days in a row, with hours upon hours of contact with ... DUM Dum dum... The Public.

For those of you not truly aware of what The Public actually consists of, thinking that bank tellers and retail clerks deal with "the public" all the time, let me tell you... "the public" is a LOT different than The Public.

From itty bitty babies to the very very old. A lot of unkempt. More than a few unwashed. Also insane and generally wacky. Today I had to wake up a man who was sleeping in a chair next to the window. When I say sleeping, I mean snoring so loudly I could hear him at the reference desk, a good 30 or so feet away.

So I go up to the guy. He's a middle-aged black man, dressed casually but appropriately, and he is ASLEEP. I say, "Sir?" in a low tone of voice. Then I say, "Sir?" a little louder. Then, "SIR." in my big voice. Then I had to tap him on the shoulder. I hate this. He woke up and looked at me and I have never seen eyes that bloodshot, not even at a Laser Floyd show. Holy moley, this guy was LIT UP on something. I told him we don't allow sleeping in the library, so Wake Up! And he did and then he left a few minutes later. Tres bizarre.

Also, a very enthusiastic boy threw his arms around me when I managed to get him into Yahoo! Music videos. It was sweet, but he was smelly like a little sweaty boy. Also I am slightly weirded out when patrons touch me.

Bygones. Tomorrow is another day.

Smokey Smokerson

2005-06-15T20:11:00.000-05:00

I've noticed an interesting trend in the patrons we get in our library system. A lot, and I mean a LOT, of them apparently spend most of their day chain-smoking in a tiny room (or their car), only emerging to come to the library and either a) get library cards so they can check out 20 videos which they may or may not return or b) get on the computers. Some of them I can smell before they even come around the corner to the reference desk. I can tell when they are in the reference section (behind me) by scent alone.

Does this county just have more Really Dedicated Smokers, or do Really Dedicated Smokers just use our libraries more often? I've not noticed this at other libraries. But then, too, I didn't spend 9+ hours a day at other libraries, either.

It's question day at the library!

2005-06-12T13:19:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, apart from being pretty darned busy in general, I got some doozies at the ref desk. My top question of the day:

"Do you have a book where I could find a diagram of the inside of a British-made shotgun?"

I'm thinking.... ummmm... no.

No books, then I got curious as to what I could find on the Internet. (You can find anything on the Internet!) I didn't come up with any shotgun schematics, but I did discover that NRA members get discounts on laser vision correction. Good to know they won't miss their targets.

My blog is better than your blog

2005-06-12T13:17:00.000-05:00

Bloggy bloggy nice and soggy.

It's raining again here in sunny Florida. I had a nap and a mini-row with the other half. It's my only day off this week and forgive me if I don't particularly want to go anywhere.

Gray. Rainy. Day.

Summer Reading: More Difficult than Need Be

2005-06-02T21:01:00.000-05:00

Say the phrase "Summer Reading Club" and most people will think back nostalgically to their youth, when they went to the (quiet and mostly empty) library, filled out a simple form, got a log, and submitted their log at the end of the summer reading time. Then they would be invited to the end of the program picnic and those who read the most books would get some sort of prize (for me it was a season pass to the local theme park - sweet!).

Fast-forward to today. Now the kids who come in to the library to use the computers (I suggested to one of them once that they read a book while waiting for a computer to free up - he looked at me like I had vomited on his shoe) are railroaded into signing up for the program by our very persuasive youth services person. So we at the reference desk are responsible for signing up all these kids. No problem, BUT...

Each participant can come in and report on the book(s) they have read each week and get a little prize. All of the other libraries in our system are having little programs each week, but we aren't because we are getting ready for the Big Move. We also have a halfway party and a final party for each of the 3 programs (pre-readers, the elementary school gang and the middle and high schoolers). I'm constantly flustered at trying to explain the logistics of reporting at our library, but doing the programs at another library, etc.

It's gotten a lot more complicated since I was a young 'un!

[An aside to my pet patron: we like it much better when you bring your nieces and nephews in.]

I'm never going to be done moving

2005-04-21T19:56:00.000-05:00

So I need to be packing, well, anything, really. I've done all I can for the moment. Silly husband has not been as helpful as I had hoped, although he has done all the heavy lifting.

In other news, I did in fact get the job with the PCLS. I'm happier than I thought I would be as a public librarian. Goes to show you never can tell.

In the meantime...

2005-01-12T20:23:00.000-05:00

I have decided to commit to the Swank MS Diet in an effort to curb my symptoms and my weight at the same time. Ah, multitasking.

In other news, I have applied for my first non-law librarian job - as reference librarian at a branch of the Pasco County Library System. I had my interview yesterday, and we'll see.

Gosh, my life is boring and small. Oh well, it's the only one I have.

Antisocial. Yep.

2004-07-31T21:03:00.000-05:00

I'm annoyed by people in general. Especially people who persist in acting senselessly when faced with overwhelming evidence of awfulness. I.e. my sister and my friend. They could be twins in willful ignorance.

Hate it. Hate it. Hate it.

The Ephemeral Nature of Chinese Food

2004-07-30T18:41:00.000-05:00

So we tried to eat at a new sports bar-type restaurant that opened today downtown. After nursing our drinks for an hour (!) we all bailed and decided to hit the Chinese buffet for some instant gratification because we were, by that point, starving.

Two plates of mediocre-to-decent generic "Chinese" food later, I was wondering:

What is it with Chinese food that causes you to feel miserably bloated, yet still hungry, for the rest of the day?

I have a suspicion that it has something to do with sodium. I'm drinking enough water to float a small dinghy and I still feel like a lo-mein-filled balloon.

So I'm off Chinese food for a while...

Disposable Entertainment

2004-06-12T13:17:00.000-05:00

So maybe I've found a workable alternative to subjecting myself to the scary, sometimes smelly patrons of my local Blockbuster outlet. I bought one of those new EZ-D's from 7-Eleven, the DVD that expires 48 hours after the package is opened. Sure, it's a couple of bucks more expensive than renting from BB, but I think that not having to subject myself to the traffic and the nasty patrons more than make up for it.

Of course, I could always check out movies from the local public library (which I suppose I really should do, since I am, after all, a librarian), but the recent popular movies are never in and I would have to remember to return them. I don't have a problem remembering to return books (because I read them much faster than the due date), but I have some sort of mental block about movies.

Ah, technology. I like it a lot (sometimes).