Just Another Service I Apparently Offer

People are obviously sending out their holiday cards. I have had three phone calls for addresses and one wanting to know if she's sending a card to her friend who has a dance instructor live-in boyfriend who's half her age, if she has to address the card to both of them or just her friend.

I'm surprised that Telephone Information is still in business. Because no one around here is calling them anymore.

I also just had a woman commandeer my computer to pick out some wines to send to her son. I offered to set her up on one of our public access computers which she declined because "[her] husband doesn't have the patience for [her] doing this kind of stuff." Apparently it's okay if she does it at the reference desk, though.

Sigh. The holidays.

Parents Without a Clue

I wonder when, if ever, it's appropriate to go up to either of the parents on laptops in the corner, who have been at the library for 4 hours, and tell them that perhaps their 2 preschool children may be interested in having lunch at some point today.

These are the same parents who were shoulder-deep in their laptops while their 2 kids wandered about aimlessly and systematically removed half the picture books from the bins, leaving them scattered about for library staff to clean up later.

Makes. Me. Angry.

And Another Thing.

So, for all of my thousands (okay, tens) of readers who want to know how I did at the Jeopardy! audition, the answer is -

I think I did okay.

It was fun, and I was less nervous than expected. I answered most of the written test questions correctly and when I was called on in the mock game I answered all the questions correctly. Now the waiting game begins. I am in a contestant pool for the next 18 months, meaning they could call right out of the blue sometime in November of 2009 and ask me to go out to California for a taping. Who knows.

So I guess No Gnews is Good Gnews with Gary Gnu.

Um... You're Welcome?

Below is the transcript of the note written on the inside of a regular sized greeting card that we received from a regular phone reference caller.

To the Reference and all other wonderful staff at the Library,

Please accept my most sincere thanks for your unfailing kindness and patience with me.

I deeply regret that – by default or design – I have been unable to visit the library, now, these five years past.

I know I must prove tedious to the reference staff – in particular – with my frequent telephone calls and requests for information, however obscure. Please know, that it is born of a compelling need to keep sharp my mind, ever as the very body be steeped in corruption.

It has been my pleasure to come to know so many of you by name, and by temperament, which has been invariably amiable and tolerant. I have found your keen wit, sharp intellect, and immensely pleasurable discourse to be both engaging, and edifying. I know that you have allowed me to give vent to whatever transient interest I might have. To offer – then – as an apology, I once possessed an IQ and a mind that thrived upon knowledge.

All, now, is as smoke and mirrors.

I no longer watch television, as I find it to be both jejune and/or frightening, especially now, in a world I scarcely recognize.

I have the leisure – if not the inclination – to spend hours lost in thought, or, at work upon my writings; it has proven to be a tonic for loneliness and for days of intractable pain, an acceptable anodyne.

Please know that my requests, however silly, obscure, or banal, are – at some elusive base – bound by a discrete, yet common thread, fully as delicate as any web spun by Arachne.

And whilst I may have nothing else left, I have – of candor – a full measure.

I cannot auger the future, nor have I Cassandra’s gift of prophecy, I only know that once, I looked full upon the face of the Gorgon… yet lived. And did I emerge from that refiner’s fire ennobled, better, or with a burnished brightness that hurt the eyes? Time is forever the enemy. Having been chastened, was I purified as well?

But to you, dear, dear people, I can only say, ‘Bravo, Brava, Kudos, and deep thanks’, weaving for you – were I able – a fragrant garland of laurel wreaths for your hair.

Cult of Personality

So, more than memorizing the names of American Vice Presidents, I really need to brush up on the small talk. After all, Jeopardy! already knows I am S-M-R-T, now I have to show them that I actually have a personality! (Gasp!)

Jeopardy! Audition

Holy buzzer, Batman! I may be on Jeopardy! after all. I am taking home 9,000 pounds of books with me to cram, just in case.

It's the Least I Can Do

Once upon a time, long ago in high school, I in a fit of adolescent enthusiasm accidentally whacked my friend Phil Ayres in the face with my hand (wild gesturing - I was very theatrical in high school). So he asked me for a favor, and I'm happy to oblige.
Phil Ayres Phil Ayres Phil Ayres.

Coolest Librarian Job EVAR

Okay, so any librarian position that has this as a disclaimer is AWESOME.

Important Notice: Friends, family, individuals, or organizations may be interested to learn that you are an applicant for or an employee of the CIA. Their interest, however, may not be benign or in your best interest. You cannot control whom they would tell. We therefore ask you to exercise discretion and good judgment in disclosing your interest in a position with the Agency. You will receive further guidance on this topic as you proceed through your CIA employment processing.

Librarian — Central Intelligence Agency

Card Catalog - A Real One!

So a couple of weeks ago I was up at the state capital for some meetings, one of which was at the State Library. After I met with all of the people (very nice, too, incidentally) that I was supposed to, I was taken to the library itself to look around.

First observation: their computer patrons are the same as ours. Aroma and everything.

Second observation: it's a lot smaller than I expected it to be.

Third observation: they have an HONEST-TO-GOD STILL FUNCTIONAL CARD CATALOG. Most of the collection is computer catalogued, but they still have some maps that aren't, so they kept a small card catalog for those items!

I will confess to getting entirely too excited about seeing a card catalog. I wanted to hug it, but settled (for the sake of professionalism) for caressing it fondly.

God, I'm such a nerd.

REM Dreaming

So last night I had a dream that I (my dream character) was in college and Michael Stipe of REM managed to sneak onto campus incognito (this was back when I was actually in college, which means Michael Stipe still had hair) and he became my boyfriend. He disguised himself and went down into the courtyard outside my dorm to play guitar. People figured out who he was (duh) and we ended up having to live on a really big boat.

Peculiar dream. And ironic, that I have a dream about a member of REM while in REM.

My Library Has Fleas

Well, I'm once again the Nomadic Librarian, since my permanent library home is currently being renovated. So I'm camped out at one of our other branches for the interim.

The other day, my coworker found a flea on her person. She does have a cat, but the cat does not have fleas. Later that day, I found a flea on my person. I do have 2 cats, but my cats don't have fleas. Which means the library has fleas.

This is not an unknown phenomenon to me. At another branch where I worked temporarily, we had a special needs group come in a couple of times a week. One of the people had a service dog, which was not very well taken care of and, yes, often had signs and symptoms of flea infestation. We had many work orders for pest control at that branch.

This library, however, has no regular service animal visitors. Which can really only mean one thing: one (or more) of the patrons has fleas. Nice.

An observation: every library that I have been permanently assigned to has undergone some form of renovation that has chased me out for a lengthy period of time (a month this time, a year last time). And my temporary locations have both had fleas. Interesting.