The Law Library PokeStop Isn't Inside the Law Library, and Other Woes

Like all proper libraries, there is a Pokemon Go PokeStop assigned to the law library where I work. From what I've heard from staff at other libraries, it's not unusual for the PokeStop to be located right outside the doors of the library/courthouse/museum/etc. Which doesn't explain why my PokeStop is in the middle of the metered parking lot of the building next door.

Sitting inside the law library, I can access the PokeStop for my courthouse building, but the stop that is labeled Law Library is "too far away" from said library. I would ask someone to explain this to me, but I don't think anyone can. Also, frankly, I don't care that much. It's just weird and illogical to me.

IN OTHER NEWS, I am less than thrilled that Thomson Reuters/West Publishing had massive printer errors in a lot of their reporters. They're going to provide us with corrected volumes at no cost and take away the old, error-ridden ones at their expense, which is nice. What is not so great? I'll be getting around a hundred books next month. A hundred heavy print case reporters. Guess I won't have to worry about upper body workouts next month!

Such a Good Friend...

So I've evolved in my library career and am now the director of a county law library. Since leaving public libraries, I've become an active volunteer, helping with the big book sale, counting Friends money, etc. Which is how I became the de facto Friends president for my small neighborhood library (the last one I worked at). Now, this job wouldn't be terribly taxing, but our library system's countywide Friends group is dissolving in October. This means that each individual Friends group will need to form their own nonprofit organization or be subsumed into the direction-challenged foundation. Enter the law librarian! Hey, you know things about corporations! You sit near law books! You can set up a 501(c)(3)! So now I'm drafting Articles of Incorporation, researching sales tax exemptions, and sighing heavily.

Review: Shadows of Night

Shadow of Night by Deborah Harkness
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

The highly-anticipated sequel to A Discovery of Witches, this July release sees Diana Bishop, scholar and witch, and her vampire paramour Matthew Clairmont travel through time to solve the mystery of Ashmole 782, the manuscript that brought them together and brought them to the attention of other supernatural beings that may not have their best interests at heart.

Diana and Matthew find themselves immersed in Elizabethan England, tracking down clues to the location and nature of Ashmole 782 while frantically trying to find someone to educate Diana in her newly-freed and acknowledged magic. They encounter Matthew’s friends from the era, the mysterious School of Night, that includes such famous historical figures as Christopher Marlowe and Sir Walter Raleigh.

Why I picked it up: I scored an Advance Readers copy through NetGalley, which thrilled me to no end, since the cliffhanger ending of A Discovery of Witches left me wanting to know what happened.

Why I finished it: I enjoy supernatural fiction, and this has enough historical detail and character development that it escapes being lumped in with paranormal romances in general.

I’d recommend it to: Paranormal romance fans and fans of historical fiction who aren’t put off by paranormal or supernatural subject matter.


View all my reviews

Large Print Hobo Glyphs

There is a certain subset of library patron that apparently cannot remember which books they read, compelling them instead to make a mark inside the front cover of the book to identify where they have been. Like a brand, or one of the hobo glyphs that showed up on gateposts and in boxcars around the country during the Depression. Most of these books are in the large print collection, meaning they are mostly checked out by patrons of a certain age.

A lot of these symbols are a person's initials, but some people get downright artistic. I've seen pine trees, circles, triangles, things that look like cattle brands... Some even have a small stamp for this purpose.

The thing is, we have a floating collection, meaning books that are requested by our patrons come from other libraries and, once returned, stay on our shelves until they are requested by a patron from another branch. So if Joe Schmoe from the other side of the county checks out a book from his local branch, puts his mark in it, then Jane Doe requests it be brought to our branch, then the copy of the title Joe Schmoe read and marked is now halfway across the county. Perhaps, then, while Jane Doe is reading that copy, someone else from Joe Schmoe's library requests another copy from another branch, then it is returned there. There is now a copy of a book Joe Schmoe has read, but not the copy he has marked, meaning he might check out something he's already read. Quelle horreur!

Long story short, the library version of the hobo glyph is pointless. Better to invest in a little notebook and write down what you read.

PhD in Douchebaggery

We get all kinds of people in the library. Young, old, poor, rich, black, white, yellow, orange, green. S-M-R-T and not so S-M-R-T. Occasionally we get a real superstar, though. Take Mr. PhD in Geophysics.

Mr. PhD in Geophysics comes in the other day with his son. Son goes off into the Children's Room to browse while Mr. PhD in Geophysics fills out an application for a library card. Upon presenting his application at the circulation desk, Mr. PhD in Geophysics is informed that, since he lives in a neighboring county, he needs to first procure a library card from that county and then we can add him to our system. Mr. PhD in Geophysics then states that he and his family will be moving to our county soon and he doesn't want to get a library card for the county in which he currently lives. The staff member at the circulation desk then offers him the nonresident card, which costs $25. He proceeds to puff up like a great indignant balloon and is sent to the Information Desk to speak to a supervisor.

My colleague, who is also a Librarian and is also at the Information Desk with me, fields him first. She reiterates what the circulation staff member has already told him. He says he has a PhD in Geophysics, and this is the only library he has ever been to where he could only get a card if he paid. She explained that he can get borrowing privileges for our library for free, but that first he would have to get a card for his home county.

He continues to bluster that he has a PHD!!! In GEOPHYSICS!!! And he has library cards from all over the country!!! Like Boston!!! And I stepped in at this point and said that that is all fine, well and good, but he was not going to be checking out a book from our library until he brought in a card from the neighboring county, coughed up $25, or moved to our county. At which point he is still arguing that he has a PHD IN GEOPHYSICS and that NO WONDER EVERYONE IN THIS STATE IS ILLITERATE. I gave him the number of our administrative office and he collected his son, saying the "Book Nazis" weren't going to let them check anything out, and huffed out.

PhD. And the D stands for Douchebag.

JFGI, People!

I staff a virtual librarian desk, which means that the people who are asking me questions are people on a computer with Internet access. The vast majority of the not-library-specific questions I get are questions that are quickly and easily answered with a trip to your best friend and mine, The Google.

I wonder every time I am logged on to virtual reference why these people, who are skilled enough to find a link to or navigate to our virtual reference chat site, are not s-m-r-t enough to GO TO THE GOOGLE and search for the answer there first.

Really want to send them to this site. Really. All the time.

Book Donations, A Caveat

Patron: "My wife and I are cleaning out our house and downsizing and I have a lot of books to donate."

Me: "Great!"

Patron: "I have one requirement: the books must be added to the collection."

Me: "Well, unfortunately I can't guarantee that items donated to the library will be added to the collection. We will certainly consider any that are appropriate and will sell the others in the Friends' book sale."

Patron: "Well, these are rare books and some of them are quite valuable. I have had dealers interested in buying them, but I wanted them to benefit the library."

Me: "Well, we'll be happy to take them but again, we can't guarantee what will happen to them after you donate them."

Patron: "Okay, that's fine. I'll donate them. But you should check online to make sure you ask a fair price for them."

Me: "Okay."

Patron hands me a box full of Readers Digest and Time-Life subscription series books from the 1980s.

Me: "Thanks!" [Interior monologue: Yeah, real rare and valuable.]

Technophobes Unite! And Drive Me Crazy. Part 2 - The eBook Edition

It seems like everyone in the entire world (except me. Um, hello, husband?) got an ebook reader for Christmas. And none of them know how to use it. So they call their friendly local library to get instructions on using their new toys and downloading free books from the library. I do not have an ebook reader (see sentence 1, above), but I can walk them through downloading from our ebook provider online. Why is this? Why do I know how to operate a piece of technology that I've never owned or played with for any substantial length of time and these people can't figure it out?

It's because I'm a Jeeeenyuuuuuus! Just kidding. It's because I have futzed around with enough gadgets to know the basic lay of the land and because I am NOT SCARED. The Nook is not going to suck out your soul if you don't push the right thing. (Or WILL it?) It just confounds me, how these people are so afraid to play! Or afraid to read directions, apparently, since our catalog of digital downloads has an extensive help and troubleshooting section, as well as a very handy "Getting Started" presentation, not to mention I'm pretty sure that the manufacturers make user's manuals, if not in print then online. Come on people! Read and experiment a little!

Also, my birthday is coming up at the end of January. I would like a Nook Color, please. Thanks!

Technophobes Unite! And Drive Me Crazy.

So not only do I man the reference desk, but I also teach computer classes. It boggles my mind how many people still don't know how to use a computer. I have taught many MANY people how to turn the computer on, how to use the mouse, what all those weird buttons are on the keyboard. Satisfying? Yes, of course. It's always nice to empower someone to use or do something new. Frustrating? You betcha.

The main thing that frustrates me is the fear that most of these people have of the computer. I am in my mid-thirties, so I learned computers as they were coming up through the MS-DOS phase, through the introduction to the mouse and now with the touchscreen tablet computers and smartphones. I never took a class, I've just learned new technologies as they have emerged. And yes, a lot of this has to do with my age and the fact that computers have been around for all of my adult life. But my parents both are computer-comfortable, if not completely savvy, and they roll with the punches as new things come out. My dad has a Droid and a Macbook, for crying out loud!

Some people are just afraid of technology. They are afraid of breaking something. A lot of my computer students feel more comfortable when I assure them at the beginning of class that a computer is just an appliance and that they can't break it unless they really really try. I am only frustrated when they stop dead in their digital tracks, frozen like a deer in the headlights because they can't figure out how to get out of a screen or return to the previous page. Try something, damn it! Look at the screen and see what looks like it might get you where you want to go! That big "back" arrow, when clicked, may just take you back to the previous page! And the big red "X" in the corner? May close that screen altogether! PLAY, people! Click around, that's really how you're going to learn and be comfortable.

Cleanliness, Fresh Smells & Money

Since I started working at my new branch almost a year ago, I've noticed that most of the patrons at this branch are clean and relatively pleasant. I've also noticed that most of the patrons are willing, nay eager, to pay their overdue fines IMMEDIATELY RIGHT NOW THIS VERY MINUTE never mind that this computer doesn't have a cash register attached and there is a line 10 deep behind them.

Interestingly enough, with the new upper class clientele, I have also noticed that those who carry the most status symbols (Prada bag, Coach accessories, etc.) will give the most grief over 25 cents that I have ever seen. Lady, that quarter won't even pay for the buckle on your Cole Haan sandals.

Anthropology experiment. I has it.

Foundation Beyond Belief

The Foundation Beyond Belief is a nonprofit organization that plans to benefit charitable organizations as well as provide a comprehensive educational and support system for nontheistic parents. Check out their website or view the video below (or both!) for more information.

Identifying Patrons by Smell

So the weather is hot and sunny and verging on miserable. The patrons are hot and sweaty and smell miserable. I realized the other day that I can identify some patrons by smell. This is gross.

Patron #1 - "The Rock" is a very large woman with a very particular smell. Go into the public restroom after her at your own risk. Breathe shallowly through your mouth.

Patron #2 - A nice guy who has no body odor per se, but his breath will knock you right down. He of course often needs help with the computer.

Patron #3 - The Dirty Pirate is homeless (we think) and has the homeless-in-Florida funk. You can smell him from 30 feet away. I am constantly amazed that people will use the computer right next to him and never complain.

Patron #4 - The Dirty Pirate's sidekick. Almost as bad as the Dirty Pirate, but not quite as pungent.

Patron #5 - The tea rose perfume lady. Her perfume lingers long after she has left the building.

This makes me want to hand out Lever 2000 wipes at the front door, Febreze all of the upholstered chairs daily, and shower often. Why is it that the stinkiest ones gravitate to the upholstered chairs and not the plastic ones that don't retain body odor? Inquiring minds want to know.

Just Another Service I Apparently Offer

People are obviously sending out their holiday cards. I have had three phone calls for addresses and one wanting to know if she's sending a card to her friend who has a dance instructor live-in boyfriend who's half her age, if she has to address the card to both of them or just her friend.

I'm surprised that Telephone Information is still in business. Because no one around here is calling them anymore.

I also just had a woman commandeer my computer to pick out some wines to send to her son. I offered to set her up on one of our public access computers which she declined because "[her] husband doesn't have the patience for [her] doing this kind of stuff." Apparently it's okay if she does it at the reference desk, though.

Sigh. The holidays.

Parents Without a Clue

I wonder when, if ever, it's appropriate to go up to either of the parents on laptops in the corner, who have been at the library for 4 hours, and tell them that perhaps their 2 preschool children may be interested in having lunch at some point today.

These are the same parents who were shoulder-deep in their laptops while their 2 kids wandered about aimlessly and systematically removed half the picture books from the bins, leaving them scattered about for library staff to clean up later.

Makes. Me. Angry.

And Another Thing.

So, for all of my thousands (okay, tens) of readers who want to know how I did at the Jeopardy! audition, the answer is -

I think I did okay.

It was fun, and I was less nervous than expected. I answered most of the written test questions correctly and when I was called on in the mock game I answered all the questions correctly. Now the waiting game begins. I am in a contestant pool for the next 18 months, meaning they could call right out of the blue sometime in November of 2009 and ask me to go out to California for a taping. Who knows.

So I guess No Gnews is Good Gnews with Gary Gnu.

Um... You're Welcome?

Below is the transcript of the note written on the inside of a regular sized greeting card that we received from a regular phone reference caller.

To the Reference and all other wonderful staff at the Library,

Please accept my most sincere thanks for your unfailing kindness and patience with me.

I deeply regret that – by default or design – I have been unable to visit the library, now, these five years past.

I know I must prove tedious to the reference staff – in particular – with my frequent telephone calls and requests for information, however obscure. Please know, that it is born of a compelling need to keep sharp my mind, ever as the very body be steeped in corruption.

It has been my pleasure to come to know so many of you by name, and by temperament, which has been invariably amiable and tolerant. I have found your keen wit, sharp intellect, and immensely pleasurable discourse to be both engaging, and edifying. I know that you have allowed me to give vent to whatever transient interest I might have. To offer – then – as an apology, I once possessed an IQ and a mind that thrived upon knowledge.

All, now, is as smoke and mirrors.

I no longer watch television, as I find it to be both jejune and/or frightening, especially now, in a world I scarcely recognize.

I have the leisure – if not the inclination – to spend hours lost in thought, or, at work upon my writings; it has proven to be a tonic for loneliness and for days of intractable pain, an acceptable anodyne.

Please know that my requests, however silly, obscure, or banal, are – at some elusive base – bound by a discrete, yet common thread, fully as delicate as any web spun by Arachne.

And whilst I may have nothing else left, I have – of candor – a full measure.

I cannot auger the future, nor have I Cassandra’s gift of prophecy, I only know that once, I looked full upon the face of the Gorgon… yet lived. And did I emerge from that refiner’s fire ennobled, better, or with a burnished brightness that hurt the eyes? Time is forever the enemy. Having been chastened, was I purified as well?

But to you, dear, dear people, I can only say, ‘Bravo, Brava, Kudos, and deep thanks’, weaving for you – were I able – a fragrant garland of laurel wreaths for your hair.

Cult of Personality

So, more than memorizing the names of American Vice Presidents, I really need to brush up on the small talk. After all, Jeopardy! already knows I am S-M-R-T, now I have to show them that I actually have a personality! (Gasp!)

Jeopardy! Audition

Holy buzzer, Batman! I may be on Jeopardy! after all. I am taking home 9,000 pounds of books with me to cram, just in case.

It's the Least I Can Do

Once upon a time, long ago in high school, I in a fit of adolescent enthusiasm accidentally whacked my friend Phil Ayres in the face with my hand (wild gesturing - I was very theatrical in high school). So he asked me for a favor, and I'm happy to oblige.
Phil Ayres Phil Ayres Phil Ayres.

Coolest Librarian Job EVAR

Okay, so any librarian position that has this as a disclaimer is AWESOME.

Important Notice: Friends, family, individuals, or organizations may be interested to learn that you are an applicant for or an employee of the CIA. Their interest, however, may not be benign or in your best interest. You cannot control whom they would tell. We therefore ask you to exercise discretion and good judgment in disclosing your interest in a position with the Agency. You will receive further guidance on this topic as you proceed through your CIA employment processing.

Librarian — Central Intelligence Agency