Saturday, May 09, 2009

Identifying Patrons by Smell

So the weather is hot and sunny and verging on miserable. The patrons are hot and sweaty and smell miserable. I realized the other day that I can identify some patrons by smell. This is gross.

Patron #1 - "The Rock" is a very large woman with a very particular smell. Go into the public restroom after her at your own risk. Breathe shallowly through your mouth.

Patron #2 - A nice guy who has no body odor per se, but his breath will knock you right down. He of course often needs help with the computer.

Patron #3 - The Dirty Pirate is homeless (we think) and has the homeless-in-Florida funk. You can smell him from 30 feet away. I am constantly amazed that people will use the computer right next to him and never complain.

Patron #4 - The Dirty Pirate's sidekick. Almost as bad as the Dirty Pirate, but not quite as pungent.

Patron #5 - The tea rose perfume lady. Her perfume lingers long after she has left the building.

This makes me want to hand out Lever 2000 wipes at the front door, Febreze all of the upholstered chairs daily, and shower often. Why is it that the stinkiest ones gravitate to the upholstered chairs and not the plastic ones that don't retain body odor? Inquiring minds want to know.